The FANFIX ReUploaded
by Yar Kramer
Summary: Hi, I'm back! Neo Morpheus, Trilogy, and Nebulus are also back for another romp through the Fanfix! But guess who ELSE is back! (Hint: He's played by Hugo Weaving)


A woman in a pink dress crouched in the alleyway, staring at the swirling Lifestream. She stood up, and started to walk away from the alley. 

Around her, the gargantuan city of Midgar sprawled, with the Mako reactors converting Mako into Materia and electricity. All around, cars and trucks and trains drove around the sprawling metropolis, giving the city life even late at night. In the center, the Shinra, Inc. building loomed, visible from nearly everywhere in the Upper Plate. And then, with the whole of Midgar as a backdrop, against an image of a falling meteor and swelling music, appeared the words: 

**_The FANFIX ReUploaded_**

But not the word: 

Prologue

A train was pulling into the station. The two Shinra guards watched it with great boredom. They wished something _interesting_ would happen. 

It did. A woman rode a motorcycle right off the edge of the nearby road. She jumped off in a backflip, letting the motorcycle continue, exploding gratuitiously into the security station. She took off her helmet, knocked out the two guards, turned on a palmtop computer, and typed, "I'm in." 

* * * * *

She was blasted out of the window, guns blazing, firing at Agent McCloud, whose guns were also blazing, and who jumped out after her. The bullets lazily flew by, both of them missing for some reason, despite the fact that neither of them were capable of dodging at that moment. 

And then Trilogy was hit by one of the bullets. 

The car which by an astonishing coincidence was directly beneath them was smashed by the impact. 

-------------------------

Tim Anderson, alias Neo Morpheus (or Neo to his friends), woke up. 

Trilogy was still curled up against him. 

They were still in Neo Morpheus's quarters (or "sixteenths" as they were called, due to the size) in the _Narcissist_, Nebulus's hovercraft, which was still in that eerie gray area between the real world -- whatever that was -- and the Fanfix. 

She wasn't quite dead, and didn't seem to be likely to be anytime soon. 

But even so ... 

"Can't sleep?" said Trilogy. 

"Not really," said Neo Morpheus. "The dreams again." 

"Need some help?" 

"....." said Neo. 

* * * * *

"Link, bring us up to broadcast depth," said Nebulus. 

The blonde-haired Elvish-looking young man in green said, "But that place is swarming with Flamers!" 

"They won't be a problem," said Nebulus. "Assuming Neo Morpheus got enough sleep, anyway. Look, if you want to be on the _Narcissist_, then when I say jump, you say what color. And always remember to do one thing." 

"Whazzat?" said Link. He had the nervous air of someone who was used to using a sword and has suddenly found themselves at the controls of a jet fighter. (Well, close enough.) 

"Trust me," said Nebulus. 

"Done," said Link, and started bringing the ship up. 

Neo Morpheus and Trilogy walked into the room. "Feeling up to hitting Flamers?" said Nebulus. 

"I guess so," said Neo Morpheus. 

Trilogy yawned. "What time you got?" 

"None to spare," said Nebulus. "We're already ten minutes late for the meeting." 

-------------------------

* * * * *

It was the exact kind of place for a meeting like this: the back room of an abandoned building in a fanfic of _The Godfather_, or possibly _Goodfellas_. Several captains of the various hovercraft containing people who had escaped from the Fanfix, as well as their senior staff, stood and sat around a table with a single lamp over it. 

"A whole FLEET of Lamers!?" said Captain Hook, of the _Not Unhappy George_. Of all those freed from the Fanfix, he was probably one of the most recognizable, even without his long hair and atrocious hat. 

"Yeah, apparently THEM guys are gonna make some kind of move," said Captain N of the _Power Glove_. He'd been freed when he was twenty, but for some reason he hadn't been too alarmed by it. 

"I'm down with that," said Captain Zero of the _Mechaniloid_. His long, blonde hair trailed down his back, and very few people had the nerve to ask why. Nor did they ask why he still looked seventeen even though he'd been free from the Fanfix for a decade. "Been a while since I'd had a decent fight with THEM." 

"Yes, we all know your skill with a _lightsaber_," said Hook. 

"Better than being less _handy_ than most people," said Zero. 

"Knock it off, you two," said Captain Niobody. She was an original character -- unlike most of the people here, who were actually _from_ something -- and she seemed to be the most serious, which of course is a trait that has no place in a comedy fanfic such as this. Her ship was called the _Love Triangle_. "What does the Oracle have to say about this?" she asked. 

"Beats me," said Nebulus, entering with Neo Morpheus and Trilogy, "so we'd better have someone disobey orders and hang around here waiting to see if we get a message." 

"Disobey orders!?" said Niobody. "Are you serious!?" 

"No," said Nebulus. "This is a comedy fanfic. But we still should." 

"Gimme a frickin' _break_," said Zero, sitting back in his chair. 

"No, really, we should," said Nebulus. "That way, if anything happens, we can just ..." 

Suddenly, on impulse, Neo Morpheus started going up the stairs to the exit. 

There was a knock at the door. The minor character stationed there slid the view hole thing open, revealing a pair of dark glasses looking in. "Hello?" said the character. 

"Is Neo Morpheus here?" said the voice of Hugo Weaving. 

"Never heard of him," said the minor character. Freed characters didn't survive in the Fanfix by admitting anything to a pair of dark glasses. 

A hand stuck a manilla envelope in. "I have a message for him," said the voice. "And a gift. Tell him ... he set me free." 

Neo Morpheus, who got there in time to hear the message, took the envelope and opened it up. Inside was a Secret Service earpiece ... 

"What's up, Neo Morpheus?" said the minor character. 

Neo stared at it. "Meeting's over," he said. "Agents." He went out of the building. Sure enough, three Agents stood there. "Do any of you have names?" 

"Thompson," said the one on the left. 

"Chief," said the one in the middle. 

"McCloud," said the one on the right. He had a gruff voice. 

"It's him," said Thompson. 

"The One," said Chief. 

"Do we proceed?" said McCloud. 

"Sure. Why not?" said Chief. 

"Only human," said Thompson. 

"Nifty," said McCloud. 

Neo Morpheus said, "Hmm, upgrades." Then he beckoned. Thompson and McCloud stepped forwards, doing identical karate punches. Neo countered with a combination of ju jutsu, fu manchu, and the ancient art of Qrrbrbirlbel, knocking them back and kicking Agent Chief in the groonies. He did a backflip, his arms over the other two Agents' shoulders, then employed a nyuck-nyuck technique that involved slamming their faces together. Then Neo Morpheus realized that he didn't feel like tangling much, at the moment, so he took off and flew into the sky. 

Agent Elrond walked up to a different Agent. "That went pretty much like we expected." 

"I guessed that," said the other Agent. 

"He keeps winning," said Agent Elrond. "It's just like before." 

"Well, not _exactly_," said the other Agent, who was also Agent Elrond. 


End file.
